Good Evening CrossFit Burn Athletes! We wanted to let you all know about a problem facing our gym, and gyms around the world right now – the “Your-ass-is-eating-your-shorts” Disease.
Yes, this exists, and we can show you exactly what we mean. Here is a picture of Coach Kyle from the CrossFit Main-site after he was attacked by the “Your-ass-is-eating-you-shorts” disease in Afghanistan: http://www.crossfit.com/mt-archive2/assets_c/2012/03/KyleMoschetto_CFLeatherneckHelmandProvince-9924.html
Do you notice how his ass is CLEARLY eating his shorts? Yeah… this is real folks! (please note that Kyle sought treatment, and is now disease free!)
Now, this disease affects both males and females, and we want to help all of our athletes avoid it in the gym. Why you ask? Well, because as much as we love to teach you the Snatch, we promise that no-one wants to ACTUALLY see your snatch… or your kettlebells. We firmly believe that shirts and shoes are optional – pants are NOT! Our gym is also a family establishment, where children are welcome. Luckily there are a few simple things that you can do to treat this disease, and prevent its spread:
Step 1: Put on your WOD shorts.
Step 2: Do 5 air squats.
Step 3: At the top of your 5th air squat, squeeze your butt like you always do, and hold it! Now, reach behind you, and run your finger down your back, and stop when you reach mid-buttocks. If you still feel a smooth piece of fabric – great! You are disease free! If not, and you feel a bunched group of cloth that has now trapped your finger between two powerful butt-cheeks – DONT PANIC – just go straight to Step 4!
Step 4: STOP WEARING THOSE PANTS! Seriously.
Step 5: Grab a different pair, or try the next size up.
Step 6: Go back to Step 1!
We hope that this has been an informative and educational post, and that we can work together to keep our gym “Your-ass-is-eating-your-shorts” free!